#thoughts from the asylum
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oh? homosexuality and transgenderism are a mental illnesses? guess you’ll have to lock me in a padded room in a straight jacket along with all the other trans homos ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#t4t#t4t nsft#medfet#semi-joking#homophobia mention#transphobia mention#💉#thoughts from the asylum#0 speaks
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Waking Up
When I first woke up, nothing looked familiar. I wasn't in my room, or a classroom, or any of my friends' houses. The bed felt uncomfortable under me, like it was much thinner than any of my other ones. I finally opened my eyes, looking up at a ceiling that was dimly lit by a light I couldn't see. The bare, off-white ceiling had a brownish stain on it that my half-asleep brain told me was an eevee.
Wait? Where the fuck am I?
The realization hit me like a freight train, and I sat up quick enough that I got dizzy for a second. As I fought the gnaw of panic inside me, I took in my surroundings.
The entire room was the same off-white color, save the fake wood flooring. I was laying in a twin bed in one corner, my feet hanging off the end, with a single sheet and blanket covering me. There were two chairs against the wall opposite me with a nightstand between myself and them, a window with built-in shades just past the foot of my bed, a nightlight built into the far-right corner, and a door with a little window in the far left. The room had no decorations, no electronics, no signage or any clue as to where I was.
Where the hell was I? The last thing I could remember was...getting into a fight? I remembered yelling, arguing with someone or someones, and then everything was black. My arms hurt, but I couldn't remember how I had injured them.
I tried to crawl out of bed, and realized that my right wrist wouldn't come with me. I pulled the covers back and saw a set of handcuffs locking chaining me to a rail on the bed. I also realized that I was wearing clothes I didn't recognize. I had never owned a pair of sweatpants or a t-shirt in this shade of grey. The long sleeves of shirt were really scratchy on the inside, like they had some kind of padding, and I figured that must be what was hurting me.
A shadow passed by the window, and I tried to call out to it. My voice was hoarse, like I had either been screaming nonstop or hadn't spoken in days. All that came out was a raspy croaking noise, but apparently it was enough. The door opened.
In walked an old woman wearing scrubs. She smiled at me as she flipped on the lights, but I saw it falter when she looked at my face. My rising panic must have been showing.
"How are you feeling, dearie?" She asked me. Her voice reminded me of my grandmother. It was soothing, and I could actually feel myself getting calmer.
"Where am I?" I managed to choke out, my voice still sounding like I'd been smoking since I was born.
"You're in the hospital, dearie, do you really not remember?" the nurse asked me, kneeling next to my bedside. She pulled a remote out of the nightstand as I shook my head. "I'm sorry for that, dearie. Would you like some water?"
I nodded enthusiastically at that, and the nurse pushed a button on the remote. It made a beeping noise, and she showed it to me.
"This here is a remote just for you. This one calls the nurse's station, these two control the temperature in your room, and this one is the nightlight.
A second nurse entered the room, this one a man who was probably in his thirties. He handed the nurse a cup of water and a smaller cup that rattled. The lady nurse handed me the water and let me take a couple of awkward sips using my left hand before she handed me the other one.
There were three pills in the cup, two oblong white ones and a circular blue one. I looked at the nurse in confusion, but she merely nodded.
"Take them please, dearie. It's important that you do."
I swallowed all three down, juggling the pill cup with the water cup before looking at the nurse again. "What were they?"
"One antipsychotic, one antidepressant, and one sedative." She said primly.
"You're knocking me out?"
"You're supposed to be out for another two days while your arms and insides heal, dearie. The next time you wake up, press the call button and either I or the doctor will come see you, okay?"
"Can I ask one more question?" I asked, already feeling groggy from the sedative.
"I suppose one more won't hurt." The nurse smiled kindly at me.
"Why am I chained to the bed?"
"Because you hurt people, dearie, and the police are afraid that you might escape or try to hurt me or someone else."
The shock from what she told me couldn't stop the chemicals from dragging me down, but her words did echo into my dreams.
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A sharp smile and even sharper teeth, relishing the feeling. He could feel the power flowing back to it's rightful place. His lamb had served him well and made the right choice in the end. Something was wrong. Images of chains flickered over the lamb like an afterimage. Metal replacing a bell. The wool was falling into their eyes. Not falling. Dripping. His lamb was dripping. He watched, enraptured, as the lamb seemed to melt before him. This isn't how it was supposed to go. No he'd carved out a section of the underworld. He was to keep them whole in a place just for them. Why were they melting?! They weren't supposed to me- Narinder lurched awake, chest heaving, aching, barely able to grasp breathing still. The sheets, or what was left of them, were shredded and stained. Tatters of some poor attempt to appease him. He didn't understand. Aside from the melting, that was how it was supposed to happen. That damned lamb was supposed to give him the red crown. Submit and kneel to their fate. It was the plan. It's what he wished for. Wishes for still. So why did it feel like a nightmare? His bed feels cold.
just the lamb and background for anyone curious
#asylum scribbles#cotl#cotl lamb#cotl narilamb#i love messy feelings your honor#also i've no idea where this came from#late night doodles that you go to hard on my beloved?#i guess?#let's fucking go?#i have thoughts on them your honor#i'm just not great at articulating so writing is#frustrating and time consuming
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Idk how my moots can deal with their OCs' designs being stolen back to back I would not survive lmao
#from “I thought that was fanart” to “that's just a recolour”#I ain't making out of the asylum they were raised in
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I wish I was as detached from reality as Lando
#must be nice#max verstappen#and the mental gymnastics max haters do#and everyone thought helmut was one step away from the mental asylum#thoughts and prayers#these are like the stages of grief#and delusion#pls snap back to reality
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RAHHH CONFETTI CANNON REDESIGN BE UPON YE!!!!!
so yeah. I redesigned her slightly as well as giving her an actual job and some info after yk.. learning the phights a lot of the time arent canon i believ!!
her redesign mainly consists of giving her something that kind of shows her job and also trying to actually make her look in her 30s, bc believe it or not my biggest fear when it comes to confetti is accidentally making her look much younger than she is ESP when im drawing confettihammer, yikes.
I'll draw a more game accurate version soon, when drawing this i had just woken up from one of those long naps that leave u feeling like you got hit with something.
i did forget to put some more info on her sheet... oops.
Confetti cannon
she/her
39 years (damn girl you old /j )
5'0 or around 153cm(?)
From playground, has a bakery in crossroads
ranged, i imagine her cannon being sort of needing to be 'reloaded' but the thing with it is whenever it fires it fires in rapid bursts that do decent damage from a mid distance but much more damage up close. tho has some recoil. I imagine the phinisher being just her aiming then just. blasting the place shes aiming at with her cannon. (think skateboards phinisher mixed with rockets or something in the way it works). good damage but INSANE recoil
yeah thats what i got abt her!! confetti redesign !! possible moveset explanation soon :3
#digital art#art#artists on tumblr#clip studio paint#original character#phighting!#oc#artwork#phighting oc#confetti cannon nation we are SO back#for the phinisher i randomly thought of “america” from item asylum i cant stop akguhing my ass off#NONO DW IT DOESNT LAUNCH HER LIKE THAT#but the recoil is noticeable#confetti cannon doing her phinisher near a ledge /j
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I did a fanart
There's no path of trampled flowers around so I guess they all flew down while in whimsical laying position idk, just don't think about it lol
#cheshire crossing#fanart#Cheshire Crossing fanart#Does Wendy look dramatic?#I tried to make her look sad/not thinking happy thoughts but also in a whimsical victorian girl fairytale aestedic kinda way#and in the Wizard of Oz movie Dorthey lays in a similar position to the one she's in here in a field of flowers#And Alice is supposed to have her Disney-falling-down-the-rabbit-hole silloette#Wendy didn't really lay down in her story I don't think#at least not that i can remember#but then i noticed she does lay down in Cheshire Crossing#on her bed#its like the first thing she does when getting settled in#but by the time i realized this i'd already drawn all those flowers#so... many... flowers...#Wendy and Dorthy are accepting how sucky their lives have been being gaslit and borderline torchered in Victorian asylums for years#(they seemed a little in dinial in CC)#while Alice is just happy she finally has friends who believe her and aren't torturing her in a Victorian asylum#get it?#its like the opposites of their worst habits or something#they're free to feel their feelings at Cheshire Crossing#that's what the daisies symbolize#btw why did Sarah Scribbles draw Cheshire Crossing (the building and its grounds) the exact same as Alice's childhood house/mansion?#it even has the same green plants on both#No one ever mentions it!#And it's not like that in the og artwork#why did Alice never mention this is her old house?#or did she just materialize near the future Cheshire Crossing when coming back from Wonderland?#But then why was her dad walking through some random field that wasn't his?#I should probably make this its own post#but I'm leaving this rant in here cause I think it's funny
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I feel so completely new and yet here I am back posting to tumblr. Why does this feel like it will never end?
#I mean some life updates are I moved to Australia and got a gf#I’m over a year clean of self harm yet I still can’t shake the ed thoughts#even the urge to cut is coming back with the stress of the end of the year#the fact the cheese puff will be back in the American office is horrifying too#I’m not even American I’m from Canada but that’s far too close for comfort#I feel like moving to Europe or back to nz/Australia is seeming sweeter everyday#my partner is Aussie so it could be a way to claim asylum if shit gets too bad#I hate that I even have to think of this
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Just ate a Kit Kat. Thought about Kit Walker. Can't stop thinking about him. Eat another Kit Kat.
#my brain is soooo broken i need to be released from this fleshy shell#do y'all think about markiplier as well when you eat kit kat#like until dawn as well#vee's random thoughts go brr#vee's dumbass jokes#kit walker#ahs#ahs asylum
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Anyway, fuck Dr Seward. He took away Renfield's agency, never showed him respect, and encouraged his delusions b/c he saw Ren as a novelty he could use to "advance [his] own branch of science" (90) if he made a study of him. Renfield comments on this when he stops eating live animals, saying Seward will need to get himself a new patient with zoophagy (320), b/c he knows that's all Seward wants — an interesting case study, not to sincerely help him.
Seward regularly puts Renfield in a straitjacket, chains him to a padded wall despite his awful cries (127), has his staff hurt him, and still has the audacity to think Ren should view him as a friend when he views Ren as nothing but a "pet lunatic" (179). And Ren does call him a friend, words dripping with sarcasm, but the sarcasm goes over Seward's head, he's such an egotist. He doesn't even get, when Ren says: "They think I could hurt you! Fancy me hurting you!" (132) it's b/c Seward's the one with all the power, hurting him.
Renfield's powerless in that asylum. He can't seriously hurt anyone. Seward just doesn't see himself, or his actions, as abusive. But he doesn't view his patients as fully-rounded people. It doesn't matter who they were before they came to him. Renfield's life before his delusions? Never comes up in his entries. Who he could be after he left, if his condition were managed? Irrelevant. All Seward sees is a case study that could make him famous. If he actually cared about his patients welfare, he'd have listened when Ren came to him in distress.
Ren only served Dracula b/c he took advantage of him, a desperate, lonely, delusional, queer, mentally ill older man who had once been respected by his peers before losing everything, and fed his fixed idea. A man who no one would believe. A man who would be easy to kill once he'd served his purpose. A man who wouldn't be missed, if he disappeared. Men like that disappear all of the time.
Seward saw the danger Renfield was putting himself in by meeting Dracula alone, but didn't stop him. When Ren tells him he'll die if he isn't sent away, Seward refuses to help. Renfield wanted to escape. His death wasn't a 'sacrifice,' that implies it was his choice to stay & die for someone he hardly knows. If Seward answered his prayers, Renfield would have fled and saved himself. He'd have neither helped nor stopped Dracula. B/c he wanted to live! He was in love with life! His entire monomania revolved around the desire to live by any means necessary, even stealing what hours he believed the lifeblood of a fly could give him! Instead, Seward kept him trapped in his cell, and left him to be murdered like a rat in a cage. A tragedy that could have been avoided if anyone had simply listened to him!
#still yapping day 7#dracula#renfield#too many dr seward defenders out there. he's not worth it#get yourself a man who eats flies & live sparrows and isn't ableist#sorry I'm a renfield stan first and a person second or third#he should get revenge on everyone who works at that asylum then burn it down. and also a kiss on the head and warm cocoa#I'm not reading the book again I just only see meta about everyone else and I don't care about anyone else so have these shower thoughts#page numbers from the penguin 94 edition its what I had on hand
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hey boss, any thoughts on the upcoming elden ring dlc? ur fromsoft takes are always enlightened
dont quote me on this but i thjnk miquella might be in it.
#MORE SERIOUS ANSWER: i still havent played it but since this was sent to me before it came out i assume its ok to just#write out my general thoughts. its sweet of u to say that my takes are enlightened btw haha im glad u think so.. that being said i#i dont think i have anything to say that hasnt been said already#the story trailer is soooooo. aughghh#the thing im most excited abt is the high probability that it sheds some light on the past of TLB like other fromsoft dlcs tend to do#also the equally high probability of getting more of st trina.... everyone and their mom has always been curious abt all that cut content#and if theyd ever explore it some more in the future#seeing omen-like horns in the trailer and promo material n such is especially intriguing to me bc im rlly invested in that side of the lore#(i love my grandpa who beats me with a stick)#and im still hoping that theres a crumb of shadow (as in. the wolves) content in there but it seems highly unlikely now haha#new weapons and gorgeous views to uncover & music are always exciting ofc. and so are the new npcs i hope at least one of em is either#a sweetheart i'll fall in love with or a freak i wont be able to stop thinking abt. fromsoft characters hit different#i have some concerns as well though. specifically gameplay-wise: i rlly hope that the map isnt too big bc while i LOVED er i still have my#qualms w/ some open-world scope problems it suffers from. mainly the reuse of certain enemies & minibosses. in the grand scheme of things#its not that big of a deal but i really hope that they took their sweet time working on smth smaller#n didnt spread themselves too thing ykwim#bc if they make me fight 20 more tree asylum demons and those loathesome root worms i might just cry LOL#er spoilers#ps sorry for the super late reply!!
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ive decided to make a uquiz
#i have like 3-4 results on this from stuff i have not watched yet. this uquiz is gonna be finished like next year or something#(theyre richard ii and campbell from takin over the asylum and the dude from around the world in 80 days)#(maybe i can add the guy from inside man too but im not 100% on watching that)#however. i thought this question was pretty funny. posting it for the 2 people that follow me who would also find it funny#dr who#aspec doc tag#10 era
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okie finished the lets play of arkham city while knitting and. hm..
#many thoughts but i am so kind <3#will say its leaps and bounds better than what arkham asylum appeared to be#both in style but more importantly in the goons arent just 'lunatics' in a straight jacket#so its not as big as a stigmatization against mental illness but it has plenty of issues#also seems like it'll be very tedious at times. but also im not a gamer so who knows?#<- this is still me being very kind <3#it was a good knitting background. it had some pretty visuals and the story could had been interesting#i wasnt distracted by it nor just fully ignored it. and hugo and bane wanting that brussy moments o#so. it coulda been a lot better but it coulda been worst. the potential is there even if the execution is lackluster#so far im giving arkhamverse as a whole a generous b-. this game and that one issue of arkham unhinged where harv had a courtroom drama#and wore a wig is what keeps it from being a low C instead.
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*screaming crying slamming doors etc etc* guys what in the everloving fuck happened to the voidkin asylum while i was gone???
#i looked away for like a few seconds and i turn back and its all been shit down!!!#and the only info i can find on what happened are a bunch of context-less docs on the wiki page!!!!#and from the vague picture i can get of what happened. sheesh LOIUSE#and i thought it was bad when they threw their support behind the monarchy!!!!#if anyone can tell me what exactly went down on 11/19 id be so fuckin happy#voidkin asylum#voidkin daycare
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After seeing Brown's pathetic temper tantrum I take back saying Lando behaved like a child after last race, he was so incredibly mature compared to Brown.
Jfc, man, you're 60, get a grip! You're not a 16 years old hormonal teenager writing in their black book 'I hate you's around the name of the person who dared to buy that expensive cool top they were eyeing. 🙄
#smh#max verstappen#and the mental gymnastics max haters do#thoughts and prayers#that man has lost his grip on reality#it's hilarious#and everyone thought helmut was one step away from the mental asylum#😂#f1
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i don't wanna call that lobotomy tiktok misinfo, because it isn't really, it's just that thing where it's hard to condense history into a 1 minute clip without stripping some context
#this isn't at the mutuals who rbed it im just having a History Nerd Moment#like walter freeman was 100% a piece of shit#and ruined countless people's lives#and the bit about him wanted to preform lobotomy experiments on the Tuskegee syphilis patients#was true! he did want to do it but was dismissed#the thing is freeman didn't invent the lobotomy per se--he studied the technique from a portuguese doctor#named egaz moniz who was the earliest guy to research the connection between the brain and mental health#and he preformed his early experiments on rabbits dogs monkeys etc#freeman came from a long line of famous surgeons and wanted to make his mark#so when he was working on a psych ward and heard about about moniz's research he decided#he'd begin his own studies on the relation of the brain and mental health#going in with the idea of 'most illnesses have a physical cause so that must be the case for the brain as well'#im not giving him any leeway but at that time in history the only cure for mi they had was 'lock them away in an asylum forever'#so wanting to find an actual cure for mental illnesses was relatively noble but. he was not#he did want a cure but it was only so he could Make His Mark on History. when he observed personality changes in chimps#when they had their frontal lobes demaged he went 'ureka!' and decided that was it#it caused many serious complications but he didn't care because it stopped all physical symptoms (really people would just. sit there)#and he thought this was such a perfect solution he wanted to franchise the procedure. for lack of better words#(i'm running out of tags so i'll rb with some more hang on)
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